Category Archives: Uncategorized

All I can say is that it isn’t as hard as it looks or feels, but that’s easy for me to say now.  I know how the unemployed and discouraged feel; I’ve been there and I remember well that I hated going out of my house for groceries, let alone to any kind of gathering involving introductions and smiles.  Or clothing other than jeans or pajamas.

I offer the following alternatives only in the spirit of understanding that you need to do something other than sit in front of a computer screen imagining that you will seriously be considered for jobs you see posted on public job boards.  Yes, Monster.com is not your salvation.  Being highly responsible, having a drivers license, and being willing to travel does not qualify you; those boiler plate items are there to discourage some of those who are.

But I digress.  Try these instead:

1.  Ask your friends and family to form an advisory board and network for you.  Most folks find it easier to ask others for favors for others, but demur when it comes to their own needs.  And, your innermost circle of people includes those who are most likely to refer you to a job that is right for you.  Whether you call a meeting or connect one by one, you will need to supply the team with resumes, a list of possible job titles, your preferred geography, and anything else you think is important.  Don’t hold back; tell your people you need them, just like you would want to be told how you can help when they need you.

2.  Go back in time and call your old good friends.  Tell them about your most recent accomplishments (like graduating from law school and passing the Bar exam).  When they ask about job, explain that you are exploring a lot of options, and ask for their ideas.  Most people think they have to ask others for leads or jobs, but really you just want to confidently open yourself to ideas.  Some will have some, some will not, but at least your old best friends will have positive gossip to spread if you speak confidently and with self assurance about your future.

3.  Volunteer somewhere at least a few times per week.  Get out of the house and get out of your head, and wherever you go, be your absolutely most positive self.

4.  Create a mail campaign (snail mail or email, I don’t care).  For the hundredth time this week:  Most Jobs Aren’t Posted.  So if you compose an effective cover letter and send a great resume, you might connect with someone who knows a job is coming up, who has one open but doesn’t want to post it because they get piles and piles of resumes from the wrong people, or, they might just want to meet you because you sound interesting.  This is why I insist that you put hobbies and interests on your resume and why I suggest that if your education, experience, or particular talent are unusual you should be blogging.  I’d rather read a blog than a resume, because it gives me a sense of your voice.

5.  Start a blog.  Keep it private until you are comfortable and/or have critical mass, a decent record of posting regularly. Really, you are in front of that computer anyway and we both know you have the time, so at least try.

Pick one this week and one next week; in the case of Number 4, you will need to do some research on where you are going to send your stuff, so spend a couple of hours a day at least on that instead of the job board stuff.

And those are the best alternatives I can offer.

I can’t let graduation month go by without adding my two cents to all the advice that shows up in stadiums, halls, and living rooms around the world this time of year.  Passages like graduation come with people who know stuff and think about things, so learn to say thank you and try to mean it.

And for what it’s worth,

1.  Stay calm and stay the course.  You got whatever education you just got for a reason; don’t forget what it was and act in desperation.  Work at something, but make sure you know how whatever you do will translate as a step to the dream.  It might be a long step, hence the staying calm part.

2.  Celebrate a beginning, not an end.  Whatever school that was, it took you to a new place.  That’s what the celebration is for, not the end of the work.  The work is just starting, and it will be harder, longer, and more complicated.  Yay!  It’s what you want.

3.  Friends matter.  Relationships matter.  Family matters.  All that, yes.  But you have to do what you have to do.  Don’t decide to stay in a place instead of go to a different one just because you can.  Sometimes the best thing is to get experience and bring it back.  It’s a big country and some of the less desirable parts of it have work that is jet fuel to a smart person’s career plans.

4.  Learn to make something other than grades, like a big fancy dinner, earrings, or a garden.  Get away from the computer.

5.  Don’t listen to every bit of advice you are given, but thank everyone who thinks enough of you to give you advice.  The advice you take has to suit your own narrative, so select your trusted advisors carefully and be sure you inform them, so they are able to help.

6.  Try to do the right thing; don’t be stupid.  In other words, don’t hand your keys to a drunk person and then get in the car.  That was meant figuratively, but it applies to a REAL bad decision also.  If you feel as if you are about to do something dumb, go home and think about it for about 24 hours.  You can always make a dumb decision later.  The point is to hang on to your keys and call the taxi.

7.  Confidence is often better than all the other stuff put together.  And, you can fake it.  And, you probably should, if you think you have to.  Be sure you know what confidence looks like, before setting out to fake it.

8.  Stop talking before you think it’s time to stop talking.

9.  Own an Etiquette book; manners defined or described on Wikipedia are not reliable.

10.  Do not decide to teach someone a lesson, unless the someone is you.

You are welcome indeed.

I just tried to digest a short stack of cover letters, all of them beautifully written, none of them particularly powerful.  Sometimes I want to eradicate those lists of action words we suggest to get you started, because they tend to lead folks to think that using different words is sufficient to differentiate you from other job seekers.  That isn’t actually how it works.

Seeing yourself as different from others and knowing what that difference is and how it will benefit another is the key to using the right words.  That means you have to have the confidence to be different and own the difference, knowing that the right decision-maker will recognize your value to his or her enterprise.  Your cover letter is merely a request for a meeting, no more.  You have to be, in the letter, someone the reader wants to meet.

Logically, then, you can’t put the meeting in the letter, right?  If you give it all up on the page, why meet you?  Your letter should raise questions that must be answered, like how, when, why, where?

The words you use to best describe yourself are verbs, not adjectives or adverbs.  When someone tells me he or she is passionate about something, I am never sure I know what that means.  The verb there is “is.”  If you change it to “feels passionately,” the verb is “feels.”  These are not forceful statements that say a lot about who you are, or what you are likely to offer an employer.

These are the words I like to read in a cover letter:

I love to work; I work hard and put in long hours.  I focus on what is important.  I care about clients and customers.  I serve others; I serve clients; I serve.  I help; I realize; I believe; I think.  I secured, I established, I learned: I taught; I gathered: I persevered; I determined.  I love, I do, I meet, I see, I act.

But my favorite is the simple and straightforward closing:  “I want to work for you.  I love this work and I would like to tell you how will serve your clientele to the best of my ability.”  Many successful careerists will tell you that their best interviews happened when they started imagining themselves in the job, and began offering ideas and opinions, suggestions, plans, or advice.  But you have to get to the interview to launch that conversation.

Forceful and memorable is almost always short and sweet, and to the point.  Whether you are in the apocryphal elevator with your destiny or writing a letter in response to a job you know is right for you (not the ones you know are not right for you but you respond anyway) your point is best made as a point, not a crafted, wordy, language-y recitation of your best adjectives, but a pointed case for meeting you.

Most of us feel inadequate when we go to the job market and have to pull out (and horrors,  actually operate) our tools:  words, sentences, stories, paragraphs, and ideas.  Are ours enough?  Too much? The right ones?  So we throw everything in there, just in case.  The result is that all that stuff obscures the focus and our authentic, edited, down-to-the-nitty-gritty real value to this one person.

So do this:

1.  Write to one person, and make it a real person who you have researched and having researched, feel as if you know.

2.  Identify your three main assets as this person would view them.  Describe them clearly; use verbs.

3.  Be direct.  Edit yourself; send words away with little or no mercy.  With fewer words on the page, your chose words will do more, so choose them and give them space to work.

I write and then remove whole thoughts, whole sentences, and whole topics before I send anything.  Even in my daily correspondence.  Like a lot of folks, I have control issues, and when I get deep onto writing, it becomes too much about the writing and what I want to say.  Letters and conversations are about exchange, and you have to make room for the other individual in each exchange.

Some people won’t bite.  You won’t get into a conversation.  But that is always true with cover letters, long or short.  To have the chance for a face to face, you have to stand out, both with content (you have done the right things to even be considered), and with style (you get it; you know what’s important).

Not long ago, in a drive-by shopping incident, I found a nearly new Burberry all-weather coat, olive green, removable collar and lining, unisex (buttons both ways), full length, and just beautiful.  For $30.  This coat, I happen to know, is so classic that it is still on the rack at the Burberry store, and retails for over $1200.   But I was at the local Salvation Army store, searching for just this kind of bargain. 

On another occasion, I came away from the local Goodwill store with an Austin Reed navy wool suit from a few seasons ago, barely worn, and needing alterations: $4.00. And my list goes on, because I am sold on the value of recycling clothing.  I enjoy checking out secondhand quality brand items in thrift stores before those items fall into the nimble and experienced hands of the more expensive consignment stores, who mark them up, display them at a better address, and promote them as “consigned.”

You can do this too.  If you are in need of clothes for network-building events, interviews, job fairs, meetings, or just because you feel better when you have clothing choices, the local thrift stores are reasonable shopping destinations for you.  Don’t be afraid; if you hate it you don’t have to go back.

Manage your expectations, of course, and allow enough time and patience for such a venture.  Prepare by making a list of what you might like to find (this one is suitable for a professional looking for career-building choices):

1. Dark suit, navy, black, grey, or pinstripe.
2. Dress, blouse, shell in cream, beige, grey, or a pop of color, long or short sleeves, or sleeveless.  White or blue oxford shirt if you are a guy. (Or, if you are a woman, this is a choice for you also).
3. Plain dark shoes in good condition (These are hard to find, and some folks don’t buy shoes in thrift stores.)
4. Dark blazer (again, the usual color choices, or even a bright).
5. Ties, if you are a guy.  I just don’t recommend these for women (although I purchase and restyle them into collars for myself, but that is another blog).
6. Accessories, like a folio, briefcase, or simple tote.

Think about your preferences before you go in.  If you don’t like things that wrinkle, stay far away from cotton, linen, and rayon, as you would in any other store.  Read the label.  If you know brand names, look for them if you want to.  While you may not find the most current season, you will find items with the tags still on them.  If you carry a smartphone, you can look up unfamiliar brand names and figure out where things might have originated.  But it doesn’t really matter, if the price is right and you like what you see.

Merchandising in thrifts is hit or miss—items are not sized, tops and bottoms may be in separate sections (or not), and you should try to look through all the possibilities.  You have to look for stains, rips, or other permanent damage, and you should not assume that detergent or cleaning fluid is all that is needed—that may be why the item is where it is; someone already tried.

I recommend that you try your choices on, and you should dress to try things on easily (wear a camisole, tee shirt, leotard).  Bring a friend to watch the cart while you are in the dressing room; things disappear from carts in thrifts, just like they do in TJ MAXX and other popular stores.  I don’t know why that happens, but it hasn’t happened to me since I started making thrifting more of a group activity.

You will need a cleaning plan for whatever you liberate.  Wash the washables in Woolite or your preferred equivalent, and you can dry clean the dry cleanables either in your dryer using a home dry cleaning product like Dryel, or send them to your local cleaner.  I’ve done both; and I’ve even taken a vintage garment to a professional for special hand-cleaning treatment.  Even if your purchase was in Macys yesterday and still has tags on it, it will have been treated (hopefully!) with a fogger (anti-everything-you-can-imagine) before finding its way onto the selling floor; you must clean it.

Alterations are worth the price when you pay $4 to $20 for something.  When you start to get into the range of $30, you need to think about what alterations cost.  Hems might be $10, nips and tucks, more than that.  If you plan ahead, you can check with a tailor, or your local dry cleaner may do mending and alterations.  Ask before you head for the thrift store, so that you know what to add to the price if a garment requires alteration.

Resist the urge to fill the cart unless you can afford the splurge.  If you are on a budget, you are on a budget.   Stay away from colors you don’t like or that don’t like you.  For interviewing, brown and green are not universally appealing and may not serve you as well as black, navy, or grey.   Plaids are risky, and you want to always make sure they match at the seams, if you decide to take the risk on a conservative plaid.

If you buy a light color anything, hold it up in the light near the door or window and make sure the color is not dingy, and that it is not stained.  Whatever you buy, it should be in decent condition.

You do not need a different outfit or suit for every interview or event; you do need a range of clean, professional, well-fitting garments and a few good accessories to rely on to help you get the opportunities you want.  If you can afford a few new items, you can still intersperse those choices with alternatives or back-ups. 

Things to bring on a thrifting adventure: 

1. A friend to watch the cart while you try on garments in the dressing room.
2. Anti-bacterial wipes for your hands, and tissues for your nose; thrifts are dusty.
3. A list.
4. Magnifying glass to look at tiny stains or rips.
5. Smart phone to look up labels.
6. Your best manners, at all times. 
7. Your gentle appreciation for what the staff and other customers do every day to improve your world.

If you have been in the vicinity of a job you want–maybe you have been a consultant, contractor, temp, subordinate, or employee of another department–and the job opens up, should you ask (the decision-maker) for the job?  

Yes.  But only after you can truthfully state the following:

1.  I really want this job, really.  I’m not asking for this job because I want more money, more power, more influence, more access.  I love this work and I want more of it.  I want to be an expert at this work and I will be open to whatever you think I need to do to achieve that–on behalf of the organization, of course, not only for my own benefit.

2.  I believe I can do this better than anyone else, and I want to try to do it even better than that.  I have ideas about how I can do the work (more efficiently, less expensively, faster, to better outcomes).  I understand that not all of my ideas are good ones, and I am highly receptive to feedback, positive or negative.

3.  I am willing to show you what I can do, at my current pay, as a volunteer, or however you want, if you just give me a chance for a few weeks.  I know you will see how valuable I am to this organization.  I hope–but know I have no right to expect–that you will then offer me at least the going rate for the job or what you think is fair.

4.  I’ve been working on a few projects and ideas, and I’ve written them up in a proposal for you to review.  Whether or not you are willing to give me a tryout, these are yours to keep and consider.  I’m happy to discuss them with you.  They are wholly respectful to my coworkers and the previous incumbents in the job I want.

5.  I am a very hard worker and I am willing to work evenings and weekends in addition to the regular schedule just to learn the parts of the job I haven’t mastered.

6.  I’ve been a diligent corporate citizen–I don’t play politics, I don’t compete with or try to hurt other employees or try to get over on anyone, I don’t complain or talk trash, I don’t try to take over projects, I don’t make commitments and fail to follow through.  I get along with everyone and I am reliable and trustworthy.  I pay attention to details, timelines, deadlines, the organization’s priorities, and customer relationships.

7.  I have the required education and I know why that matters.  I’m willing to get more education at my own expense if it turns out to be necessary.

8.  I dress appropriately for all occasions, here in the workplace or out in the community.

9.  I don’t waste resources–not time, money, information, relationships, space, or anything else.  

10.  I get it.  I know how hard your job is, and I’m here to help.  I’m not all about my own needs and wants; I stand willing to be evaluated by you as someone who is helpful, and willing to help.

No one is all that, of course.  No one.  We all moderate our best intentions with what we are not willing to relinquish. . . 

 sadly.   Because–in my opinion, for whatever it’s worth–it is to those who don’t daily hold out for more–money, attention, privileges, personal power, whatever–that the best job and career outcomes almost always accrue, ultimately.  Acting consistently in the best interest of the organization and its leadership is a gift that keeps on giving to you, as it allows you to see more, do more, learn more, care more, and gain more expertise and experience.  As it almost always turns out, if that is not enough, you can and should  go someplace where you will be happier.  

If your job search has been underway for a little while, you might have gotten into a groove that isn’t helping you.  Some habits or choices are so automatic that we don’t even realize they have taken over.  Here are ten ideas for a quick energy switch–just some little things to make you try something different, put a new spin on your game, or just change it up for the sake of change.

1.  Make calls instead of emailing.  Phone calls can be really effective, set you apart, and show off your voice and warmth.  Try it for two weeks and see what you think.  Practice the voice mail you might have to leave.

2.  Get up an hour earlier each day and read things you don’t normally read–blogs, news, opinions.

3.  Re-connect via phone or in person with an old friend or two; talk about the past as well as the present.  Share your plans and aspirations with someone who knew you a while back.

4.  Move away from the television, iPad or computer.  Make something, or make something happen.  If you are handy or a crafter, go there, if not, just make dinner for some friends you don’t see often, or see often but for whom you don’t usually cook.

5.  Go back to the computer. Update your social media–post something, if you are not a poster, or take a break from your photo-a-day and add some new friends or contacts.

6.  Send Valentines to friends, with personal notes.

7.  Learn to do something you haven’t tried–create a chart in Excel, use your phone to make a little movie, buy and master an app, make a pie crust.  Dance.

8.  Karaoke.  Yes you can.

9.  Write a really good cover letter to someone you don’t know, but whom you have researched and might like to work for–or at least might like to meet.  Send it via snail mail, not email.

10. Volunteer to do something hard, unpleasant, or challenging, that no one else really wants to do.  Write about it, just for you.

Some small changes can have big impact–the point of these ten is to remove the groove, so that you are able to use everything you have.  When I was a young figure skater, we had practice “patch time” in which we had a tiny piece of ice to ourselves on which to repeat over and over again the required school figures–eights, serpentines, loops, forward and backward–until the ice was grooved (and until we were more than a little bored and tired).  Once the time was up, though, the music would come on and it was time for wilder moves, free style, creative skating, jumps and spins for those who had those moves or wanted to try, and open ice.  We all need discipline, but we all need the free skate, too.

I read an article recently in which former president Bill Clinton discussed the importance of a narrative in a candidate’s campaign for public office.   He had clear opinions on how president Obama gained (or regained) control of his narrative after the first presidential debate, the debate in which he was thought to have turned the narrative to a question of whether he even wanted the job of second term president.  After the debate, in which he did not perform well, and after some work on his part, his narrative went from that of a sitting president, to that of an aggressive candidate with a commitment to the future.

Whatever you think of the election’s outcome, the point is that the need for a narrative applies to candidates for jobs, positions, and careers  as well.  You need a story–one that answers the questions, “why should we hire you?” “Why are you the right individual for us?” and “What brought you here?”

Your narrative, like any good story, has to hang together and has to be consistent across your actions, behavior, and choices.  It is, in fact your personal narrative that illustrates the connections among the phases of your career, the integration of your personal life with your job, and your choices of volunteer work, friends, and hobbies.  Your narrative is not your elevator speech; your narrative may never be explicit or fully formed.   Your narrative is not just what you say to interviewers, it’s what you can’t deny, it’s what you never say or do, it’s all the realities of your own choices.  If you are the one who studies, that’s part of your narrative; if you are the one who drinks and drives, that’s part of yours, too.

Your narrative is not a “big reveal” either; your narrative is yours whether you get the job or not, land the promotion or have to wait your turn, or give up all you worked for to work for nothing in a third world country.  It’s still you, and your story gets richer with every carefully thought through choice and every impulse you give in to.

What your narrative has to be is heartfelt:  you want THIS job, not any job, and here’s why.  This is why postings are anathema to career development: with whom will your story resonate?  The software?

Your narrative has to hang together.  If you have ricocheted among jobs that found you–through headhunters, or an old boss for example–you need to be careful to keep control of your narrative.  Unless your narrative is that you are the best in your profession and your strategy is to get paid more each time you agree to jump ship.

Your narrative will change a little as you accomplish more, gain new experiences, and as you get older and wiser.

Your narrative will help you if you allow.  It will hurt you if you repeatedly craft–and live–a negative story (“I have been unemployed for three years, never mind that I have started my own business and kept my clever self busy and solvent”), treat it like a really bad elevator speech (Hi, I’m Jane I’m a recent MBA with a BS in Math from UF and I’m looking for any kind of job in Citrus county I don’t care what it is my boyfriend just got a job with PWC and I want to stay here because I work nights at the Outback and all our friends are getting married this summer and I don’t want to have to ask for a lot of time off because they are all in July. . . . .),  or if you practice creating and offering different versions of yourself to different people.  This is called Impression Management; Not Good.

Know your narrative, create your narrative, make your life and your voice positive.   Be sure that what you say and what you do every day are consistent with what you are trying to accomplish.

And Happy New Year.

I read (somewhere fairly reliable) recently that once we are out of our teens and into our young adulthood, it’s necessary to forget one thing in order to make room for another.  The memory bank is apparently real enough to operate a bit like a warehouse or just like your clothes closet–before you can add something you have to make some space for it by letting some other thoughts go.

Making space in your head for new learning involves as much planning as you want it to, or none at all.   As with shoes that no longer fit or look stupid with your favorite outfits, fabric in colors you hate, or a table you keep banging your hip on, you can suddenly cast the clutter out and not look back.  Last weekend, over the Thanksgiving holiday, I gave in to the impulse to discard a lot of old clothing I knew I would never wear.  It’s gone now, banished from my closet.  And from my memory; oddly, I don’t remember exactly what I threw away.  I don’t miss it.

So it is with  your old thoughts and ideas and feelings and the other stuff that clutters your mind.  Once you have determined that you don’t need it it anymore–it doesn’t look good on you, feel good when you take it out and try it on for size again, or it no longer fits–you just say good-bye and let it go.

As you no doubt know; here comes the new year right around the corner.  How about–instead of resolutions–making a list of what old ideas, beliefs, commitments, and aggravations you are willing to part with and affirmatively pack up and discard, in favor of opening your mind and your heart to new ideas, insights, and maybe even motives or goals?

The first time I moved far from my native Pittsburgh to take a great job in Kansas, a move that changed my life in more ways than the obvious one, I got into the habit of identifying the old me and the new me.  Before opening my mouth in a meeting, or buying a piece of furniture for my Kansas house, I consciously made certain that it was not force of habit driving my words or decisions.

The old me accidentally joined a gym, but the new me bought Rollerblades–Kansas is flat, after all, and skating was more fun than step aerobics.

The old me tended toward absolutes but the new me asked more questions.

The old me thought golf was boring and difficult; the new me liked the people I met who were willing to teach me to play, though I would never be good at anything requiring hand-eye coordination.

If you don’t want to make a list, just alert yourself when you come to an intersection–does the old you want to make room for just one new thing? You can spontaneously let the new thing in and you might not realize what just discarded itself. . . .

Just a thought.

If you are in the habit of sending emails to congratulate, thank, or acknowledge people who are in your network or who you would like to include among your friends or acquaintances, you are halfway there.  Communication of any kind is the first step.  But my preference is for handwritten snail mail or hand delivery; it gets more attention.  Last year, I actually got thank you notes for my thank you notes.  I truly cherish those; they are special.

Begin at the beginning–purchase the write stuff, your stationery.  I prefer white or cream, trimmed in either navy or green, never black (too formal and sedate).  I like either embossed initials or full name, minus middle initial.  I usually have three choices–full sheet with name at the top; folded card with initials/monogram or name on the front, and less formal card with nickname (in my case, Cathy instead of Catherine) and last name or initials/monogram at the top.  Each has its own envelope, with my home address printed or embossed.

The full sheet (about 5 by 7, max) I use for catching up and longer messages.  I have optional blank second sheets the same size but with no name.  The folded note is all purpose, especially for thank you notes and congrats, or brief messages.  The card is the least formal, for saying “nice to see you last night,” “saw your promotion in the paper,” or attaching to an article you clipped–stuff like that.  I admit to owning and using gift enclosures, which ensure that the recipient receives my personal message inside the box in which the gift was conveyed.  That tiny envelope does not host an address.

The message itself, no matter the paper on which is arrives, should be personal, detailed, and carefully (legibly) written.  I am very aware that cursive is probably too much to ask of those under or around the age of thirty.  If you learned it at all, practice and give it a go.  It will be memorable.  If not, well, print if you must.  The point is the effort and the personalization represented by ink or gel on lovely paper by your own hand.

Those details–make them sincere and specific.  If you were moved, say you were moved; if the occasion was joyful, say you shared joy.  If the blouse was pink, reference the pink blouse, not just the blouse.  If the advice provided hit the mark, say how, and how that made you feel and what happened then.  Always positive, always about the other person’s contribution.   If your note is late, don’t apologize (that turns the attention to you and your needs, and is a form of a request–for indulgence or forgiveness).

You can purchase plain stationery in any of these forms, and if you cannot afford or don’t wish to commit to personalized stationery, use the plain.  If you know you might be moving, or if you plan to change your name, don’t spend money on paper that will soon be obsolete.

Tasteful notecards representing your town, alma mater, profession, or interest–I said tasteful, not cute, humorous, sarcastic, or profane–are just fine, especially if they connect to a recipient’s own sensibilities.  Still better than email.

Notes are powerful.  Well-written, well-crafted notes are treasures that many people–like me–keep.  The senders are memorable; I know they went to some trouble on my account.  I am almost always compelled to return the favor as soon and as often as I can.

I don’t put political signs in  my yard anymore, though yesterday I almost did; it can be tempting.  I feel pretty strongly about most of the political races underway this year and this time around; sometimes I can’t help it, and I comment about one candidate or another.  But I don’t actually recommend that.

If you are in an active job search, building a network, or are in a service profession seeking new clients, or in a job where you serve or supervise lots of people who might feel differently than you do, my advice is to find ways to avoid discussion about your politics, your vote,  or your preferred candidates.  Politics has become a bit like religion for many people; don’t go there hoping to make converts.  Don’t go there at all.

Three important points (maybe Four):

First, it won’t help you to take a conversation in the direction of any candidate’s prospects unless the candidate is you.

Second, it isn’t anyone’s business how you plan to vote.  Secret. Ballot.  Contributions, on the other hand, may be more available to others; remember that.

Third, you don’t really want to adopt anyone else’s brand–or be drawn into making yours about your political preferences.  In career world, things are usually about style, grace, and the effectiveness of the work or work product.  Don’t undermine any of that by taking strong positions in conversations where you are not prepared and may be ambushed.

Fourth, and it must be said, if you are who you are and you lead with your political opinion at all times and are prepared for the consequences of that–no, you welcome the outcomes–then this blogpost is not for you.

It’s (usually) not too hard to avoid workplaces or individuals who have strong partisan views; the leaders often advance a point of view early on and secure information about your own views if they can.  In those places, it may be important to have a high tolerance for or be in complete agreement with the dominant worldview.  But, if you are not sure, or if you are game for just waiting out the season, here are a few ways to avoid confrontation, challenge, and the ending of a friendship before it begins.  It is not wrong to keep your opinion to yourself. Ever. Especially if you do not want to be quoted.

1.  “I think I am still undecided, what do you think?”  Prepare to listen, nod, and at some point, thank your advisor for generously sharing his or her views.  Every thought in your head need not emerge from your mouth or keyboard. Practice restraint and respect for another’s desire to speak.  This does take practice.  Even if you are in agreement, you may not want to be named as a supporter in the next round.

2.  “I’ve already voted and I like to keep my vote secret, out of respect for others’ views.”  This is only if you actually did vote early; it’s not worth lying about your vote.  Especially if you show up on election day with a sticker that says “I voted.” Be consistent; if you tell one person, you might as well tell the whole office.  Do not ever say “Don’t tell so and so.”  It’s just silly.

3.  As regards the candidates who will be debating–“I am waiting for the debates; the campaign advertising is just so difficult to listen to.” Change the subject to vitriolic advertising campaigns; everybody hates those, but don’t give specific examples.

4.  “I think there is merit to both  points of view–we live in such challenging times.”  Then shake your head and keep shaking it.  As your acquaintance adds more fuel, say “This is what I mean–really challenging, don’t you agree?”

5.  “How do you make up your mind in challenging times like these?  Do you favor one commentator or opinion columnist over the others? Who do you listen to?”

6.  ” I understand both sides, I think.  I just haven’t picked one to vote for.  I have so much respect for your opinion, though, thanks.”

7.  Take a page from politicians, all of them, and simply say something that is off the subject but on your own mind.  “Where did you get those shoes?!”  “My husband says we have successfully defeated the crabgrass this year.  Finally.”  “How about those Rays?” “What do you think we should put on the agenda for the staff meeting?”  Unapologetically, because your point is being made gently.  No one needs to be embarrassed.   If your political stalker says that you didn’t hear what he or she said or asked, it is okay to say that you did, but the shoes, crabgrass, Rays, or agenda are what’s on your mind.  Unapologetically.

I admit to having strong opinions about a lot of things, and one of them is that being in the ideological minority in a workplace is very painful if the majority makes it a “thing.”  I am not fond of bullies.  But I don’t like to find myself bullying back, accidentally.  Style, grace, charm, effective work product, and good humor–and preparation for protecting yourself and your personal brand can take you a very long way, whether the subject is politics or anything else you don’t want to talk about.