They don’t need what you have.

And, as you know, you don’t have what they need.

Sometimes it’s really hard to understand why you didn’t get a call back after applying for and interviewing for a position you really wanted.  But it shouldn’t be hard to understand why you didn’t get a call back for a job you shouldn’t have bothered to apply for, a job far removed from your skills, temperament, and competencies.  A position that doesn’t require and couldn’t possibly include the things you are good at and like the most when you get to do them.

Don’t apply for, ask for, or otherwise pursue jobs that aren’t for you.  It just wastes everyone’s time and energy.  And, paradoxically, it will make you even sadder to fail to land a job you didn’t really want.

I think we place very high value on jobs we want, and far less value on all the others.  So when you go after a job on which you have placed low value, and then you don’t even get an interview, it makes you somehow feel worse.

That makes no sense at all, you know.  Organizations are looking for the right people, the ones they know belong there and will thrive and perform in the job.  they are not looking for people who have half or fewer of the qualifications the organization painstakingly listed so the right folks will know who they are.  Before you hit the send button, say (aloud) to yourself, “Perhaps they will overlook my shortfall in years of relevant experience, as well as the fact that my education is not in Finance and I don’t have a Series 7 license.  I’ve always wanted to live in Charlotte, and this is as good as any of the other jobs I saw on Monster.”

How does that sound in real words?  You see, it is possible to play head games with the screen that doesn’t say “No!” sharply when you try to upload all the wrong stuff at midnight after a few pints of Cherry Garcia and an Oreo or two.  In  your head, this is a numbers game and you never know.  You might just get an interview and if you do, you can wow them with your personality.

Not so much.  It’s a lot more likely that you will be rejected, either actively, with a nice letter, or passively, by never hearing anything at all.  If you do get an interview, and you don’t meet the qualifications, you will quickly learn that you don’t really want that job.  But somehow you are now engaged, and your head turns to “How do I get out of this?”  Thinking you will be considered.

So when you don’t get an offer, and you are feeling bad about that, remember what my wonderful sister Amy said to me many years ago on a similar occasion of not getting a job I most certainly did not want and for which I was in no way qualified:

“Why are you so upset?  They just don’t need what you have.”

Self-assessment: It’s All About You

I have a love-hate relationship with feedback.  First, I love feedback; I don’t particularly mind if it’s good feedback, but not-so-great (okay, negative) feedback allows me to start an argument with myself and an investigation into the ways I could have done better.  As a Myers-Briggs type ENTP, feedback makes my world go around, and I pay close attention.

The problem is that I can be swayed in the wrong (for me) direction by positive or negative feedback–I tend to pay too much attention.  Some days, I covet the introvert’s ability to shut out the world and listen to a voice in his or her head that clarifies the need or want and then turns the enterprise toward the right star.  Without dissenting opinions, and without negotiating new, heretofore  unseen objectives.  My compass points toward heat and light, the novel and difficult, the untried, untested, and interesting.  Some days, continuity and the linear, incremental path  is best, and it’s a (worthwhile) challenge for me to keep that front and center.

How do you learn that; and how do you manage yourself for the long game? I think you have to develop a process of assessing your self, for your own good, and to give you options at all times.  I think that a self management process that begins with assessment has to be conscious and aware, intentional and drama-free.  You have to be truthful with you, in order to develop a reliable process for getting  yourself through both success and failure.  No one else can do that.

Success can be as misleading as the harsh criticism we give ourselves when things don’t go right.  Both success and failure are pretty fleeting, even if and when fleeting can be measured in years.  So performing self-assessment only when you have failed is not as useful as assessing your performance against articulated goals and intentions on a regular basis.  That allows you to look at processes as well as results.

Ideas for you to consider:

1.  Set goals, no more than 3 to 5 at a time.  You can change them whenever you want, they are yours.  Write them down and review them no more than once a week but no less than once a month.  Make at least one relate to behavior, not results.  When a goal’s usefulness has expired, make a new one to replace it.

2.  Ask others for feedback and input.  But when you get feedback, think about the opinion you were given, before you simply accept it.  Decide for yourself if it’s right for you.  Keep it in your stash of things you aren’t sure about even if you are sure about it.  Don’t automatically assume that what you congratulate yourself on is really a good reason for celebration.  Give plenty of thought to the matter before registering your own pleasure at success.  When you are feeling really happy with what you did, know that is an excellent time to get humble and realistic.  Happy, of course, and humble.  And realistic.

3.  Acknowledge your capacity for change.  At the end of the day, it’s better to be willing to grow, and better to grow, than to be comfortable in your zone.  Particularly if you want to serve others, versatility in your style of interaction and the choices in your repertoire are critical to long term career success.  Be willing to try new and different ways of looking at and dealing with problems.

4.  Slow down.  Just. Slow. Down.  Not to smell the roses, but to see the opportunities.

5.  Set criteria for accepting allies in your quest, whatever it is.  Some people are not good for you, and you have to learn who they are and you have to see them coming and deflect the impact.  Their feedback or input is not useful and repeated exposure is not healthy.  That won’t change.  You can listen to an opinion and not agree, or listen and disagree, or pretend to listen and pretend to agree, if that is your first step.  Always reserve the chance to think about it, and say, “I will need to think about this. thanks for telling me.” But toxicity will always represent poison and poison will make you sick.  So learn how to move away from the danger, nicely, with dignity, and without making enemies.  Sometimes your job is to teach or set an example.

6.  Don’t reward yourself too often, or for little things you already know how to do or when to do.  Hold out for the high stakes before you indulge.  Set stakes high, when you can.

7.  Make a list of what you want to direct yourself to do, and make it real and real challenging.

Life is short.  Change is inevitable.  Learning how to manage your personal growth couldn’t be more important.



What Not to Mention

Somewhere in Job Whisperer History, there is detailed mention of the Dreadful D-words, from which it may be that poor Debbie Downer’s name derived.  The D-words are the things you don’t talk about in casual, polite, or business conversation.  Let’s review them.

1.  Death.  There are no exceptions to this, strange though it may seem.  If you have a role in the writing of the obituary, or you are speaking at a funeral service, or you have been invited to attend a wake, you know that celebration of a  life is the point of those.  A conversation about death is a serious matter and is conducted among people who have agreed to be in the conversation in advance, are not at a network event or party, and is focused, sensitive, and important.  You don’t have to be the one to mention that so and so passed away, unless it is your job to notify others.  Under those circumstances, your form is prescribed in etiquette reference books.

2.  Divorce, yours or anyone else’s.  Impending, final, amicable, ugly, or simply inconvenient, the subject should not be uttered.  Don’t learn this the hard way–any mention of anyone’s divorce, including your own, will cast you, and casting should be controlled and intentional.  Let’s say the divorce is yours and you intend to reinvigorate your career, now that you have resolved issues you felt were constraining it.  Bringing up the divorce distracts from career as the more relevant subject–why talk about anything that isn’t forward-looking and active?  Use your energy to stay on subjects that attract interest in you but not gossip about you.

3.  Diet.  We don’t care, and raising the subject makes everyone wonder about their own hips, chins, muffin top, and underarm flab.  There is nothing to say about a diet in response to anything you might mention.  If you needed the diet, good for you, but if someone says exactly that, you say and think what?  The same is generally true of food allergies, health matters that necessitate food limitations (“I have bloodwork in the morning so I’m fasting” which actually violates number 5 below as well).  If your meeting is in a restaurant, call ahead to find out what menu selections are right for you–and have a back-up plan in emergencies.  If you requested a special meal, discuss this with the wait staff, not the table guests.  If someone else raises the subject, change the subject.  And never comment on what anyone else is eating, ever, whether you think it is enviably delectable, or positively nausea inducing.  It isn’t on your plate, so you need not concern yourself.

4.  Despair.  Unless you require immediate mental health treatment or attention from a professional, and I am not minimizing that possibility, your angst over a personal matter is not for broad consumption.  Leading with your problems, or answering the question “How are you?” too honestly may lead your prospective supporter(s) to realize that you are not stable enough to endorse, that you make questionable decisions, that you have a narcissistic streak, or that you put your discomfort front and center routinely.  They don’t know you well enough to conclude otherwise.

On this one, there is another issue.  Reciting your pain makes it stick around and intensify; it becomes an affirmation.  Take page from Pollyanna–find the good or the fascinating and stick with that for conversational moments.

5.  Disease.  Whatever it is and whatever part of you it affects, whether it’s yours or someone else’s, it’s not party talk.  That includes allergies, broken things that require visible alterations, and labels–like arthritis, migraine, and pain.  HIPAA was enacted for a reason and when it comes to stuff that aches, makes you icky, causes people in the vicinity to blush, could cause one of the other D’s, or can’t be pronounced, best to stand down and talk about a documentary you saw on the Smithsonian Channel or Modern Marvels.  Or a Super Bowl commercial about kitties making the Facebook rounds.  Anything.

If it seems to you that if you avoid these topics there is nothing left to talk about, it’s time for you to develop highly intentional talking points to guide your thinking about how you want to be perceived.  Imagine you have only a few minutes to make your best first impression (because that is exactly the case)–do you want to be remembered as the divorced person with the bad back who is trying to lose twenty pounds on the South Beach diet, or the one who is well read, active in the community, and interested in others and their interests, and knows interesting things.


Changing Careers: the Process of Reinvention

As the Boomers stroll or hurtle into into the last phase of their working lives, we hear the word “reinvention” a lot.  But reinventing yourself doesn’t only apply to Boomers getting older and running short of time, and it doesn’t only apply to changing your work.  If you have been doing something you weren’t really crazy about, or if there is something you have always wanted to do with your time and talent, or if you have been watching transformational change in your industry, or if you just stumbled over a thing you are really good at and really like, then reinvention is just the ticket.

Well.  Not so much, actually, because it isn’t all that simple.  Reinvention is a quick and easy word for a Big Big Change.  In you.   Even people who like change don’t necessarily like being changed.  We can all support change when change is a theoretical, rhetorical, or political concept that aligns well with what we believe are our values.  Until things you reach for in the dark aren’t where they used to be.  Meaning, what you took for granted was not what you planned to alter.

But even if you are motivated, for example, to simply make a living as a teacher instead of as an accountant, the voice in your head that inspired you to make that change has not actually accounted for a.) stretching actual teacher paychecks from now until retirement, b.) actual student attention span and cooperation, c.) school district (i.e., government) management hierarchy, and d.) the difference between your cubicle or office and your classroom, if you get one.  In other words, have you adequately identified your real desire?  Or, in other other words, have you accurately identified all the things that will have to change, meaning those inside of you, some of which you maybe don’t know about?

Here are just a few of the many things that may have to be reinvented on the way to the new you:

1.  Your budget.  If you are the accountant in the example above, of course you have started by figuring this one out.  But for the rest of you, assume you have to start at the bottom of a new hierarchy, at beginner pay or worse, and that you may have to pay for training or education.  Before you dive into that education expense, at least sample the way the new work works, test your assumptions, spend a day in the life of your aspirational role model, and work out the numbers meticulously.  Cash flow is particularly important.  Selling the house to generate the cash for investing in you is not the worst thing you can do, but it might be close.  Consult a conservative expert and know the downside risk.

2.  Your working conditions.  I don’t necessarily mean the door to your office that closes and locks, or the free coffee you and your colleagues enjoyed, or the deadlines you controlled.  I mean that in some of the common places that people want to go to Be The Change, there are not enough dollars to pay for enough people to do the work.  So you do it.  Until it’s done. I mean that you spend your own money on supplies, that you have to raise money to do the projects you want to do, that your future and your pay are not certain, and that all the skills you have don’t necessarily stretch quite as far as the door to your comfort zone entry hall.

3.  Your patience.  Whatever you have been doing, you have been doing more effectively than the thing you have in mind to replace it.  You have shortcuts, habits, wisdom, credibility, language, relationships, and tenure that allows you to look back over your history and forgive yourself the occasional slip.  In your new world, Not.  The only way to the other side is going to be through the woods, reinventing shortcuts, habits, wisdom, credibility, language, relationships, and tenure that permits limited self-indulgence.  Reinvention is also reinvention of the learning process, and many of your new things are going to be really really new, not just to you.

4.  Your relationships.   More listening; more asking; more developing.  Sowing, not harvesting.  Open to feedback and critical examination.  Whatever the motivation to make your change, others will be involved in making you successful.  You have to ask questions and you have to be confident that the assumptions that got you interested are likely not completely valid or even useful.  It’s relationship-building that is the core of successful reinvention; this is not something you can do all by yourself.

5.  Your commitment.  And here’s where this gets tough.  When you are just starting out in your first career or your launch job, or whatever got you where you are, you were younger and maybe a tad more resilient.  Each time we make these big changes, our tolerance for imperfection and inconvenience erodes a little.  And if you have ever hit a big big disappointment, it might erode a lot.  So your commitment has to be crafted, and you have to set your rules for engagement and disengagement intentionally.  You are going to slog through some sadness at the loss of something or things you liked, well before the new things you like present themselves.  You are going to hate some days and be angry with yourself for undertaking this thing.  You are going to be appalled at the real thing hiding behind the thing you were expecting, and turn away shaking your head, unconvinced it will all work out.

It will all work out.

My advice:

Plan exhaustively for the things that matter: like money, relationships with your support system, and sound information about what you are really undertaking, for examples.  Invest in a therapist (a proven professional) before you implement the parts of the plan that require you to sell the house, buy the franchise, head into the desert, join a cult, or sign up for expensive training that requires a big loan.

The process takes as long as it takes, so you need to have checkpoints, benchmarks, safety valves, and contingencies.  Before you stop doing what you have been doing, you must have at least a year and maybe more in reserve funds.  Unless you have been pushed unwillingly into a situation where you have no choice, in which case your plan has to be highly flexible and driven by contingencies and the fundamental law of food and shelter: they come first.

Segue instead of cliff-dive.  If you are an accountant and you want to teach, teach accounting, or even financial management, or even math.   Staying in a subject family makes it easier to exploit one area of expertise while learning a whole new other thing.  As you head for career sunset, you then have a body of work that is more cohesive than choppy.  Choppy is an interesting phenomenon when you see it on a resume, and it’s hard for an employer to entertain.  Continuity, however, is a brand-builder, as it looks more like an intentional progression.

Write your story out as you live it.  This might be journaling, blogging, note-taking, or just memorializing, but it is important.  Your brain is going to be so full of disconnected experiences, emotional reactions, and new information that you will not be able to separate your narrative from your grocery list.  Writing what is happening is a form of planning.  If you are reinventing you, this is the how-to manual that you are creating as you go along.  This might seem like a nice-to-have, but it’s really a must-have.   You have to understand what you are doing as you are doing it, and writing is your best bet for returning to the scene to re-interpret when you need to.

Build strong relationships intentionally.  Even if you find that you have little or nothing in common with your chosen targeted industry colleagues (and that is profoundly unlikely), the process of discovery is most often facilitated by others when we choose to interact.  Even if your process is one of disagreeing with the way things are done and your mission is change, other people are important, and this is a time when you need them.

Just remember, it will all work out.  Once you begin to put a new comfort zone around the new you, you will mostly be where you headed.  But remember–you are expanding who you are, not just redefining your career, and it is worth doing with clear intention and purpose.


Why You Didn’t Get That Job

You were sure you did well in the interviews: you dressed right, talked well, and knew the answers to all the questions.  Your resume, cover letter, and writing sample all looked perfect to you and your advisors.  But when you checked in to find out where you stood in the process, you learned the job had been filled by someone else.  What could have gone wrong?

First, the flaw in your thinking is thinking that anything went wrong.  It may not have been the outcome you wanted or even expected, but it may have been the right thing, for both you and the organization.  You only see the tip of the iceberg–the organization knows much more.  What seems to have gone wrong for you is simply an outcome, a step along the path to the organization’s future.  You may not have been the best candidate for the job.  If you did your best, you did your best.  Sometimes that isn’t enough.  The best candidates may have networked to the interview and position instead of responding to the posting, allowing the hiring manager many more glimpses at their fit.

Second, think about your narrative.  Your narrative is simply your personal story, your truth, your platform.  If you answered all the questions but didn’t reveal enough of your narrative for your interviewers to know who you are and what it would be like to work with you, you concealed that you might be the best candidate for the job and the organization.  It isn’t enough to answer the questions.  You have to generate new questions, ask good questions, and raise important questions.  A robust dialogue that results from a strong and interesting narrative lingers with an interviewer.  If you lurk along the perimeter of a safe version of your narrative, you held back, and that’s not good.  

Third, did you make stuff up?  Now, this is very bad.  And by the way, a talented and experienced interviewer will not let you know that his or her radar is on full alert–quite the contrary, the rope is going to go full out for at least an hour, maybe more.  If you have been scheduled for a half day, you’ll probably go the full half day, and never know that you pretty much blew it in the first hour when you told that tall tale.  If you embellish the truth, you will not be the successful candidate, one way or the other.  The internet being what it is, outright fibs and fabrications get caught very quickly, but more importantly, the aftermath of the interview will raise questions instead of enthusiasm and confidence.  If you aren’t forthright, you aren’t in control of your story and that leaves a murky impression of you.  You look like you take risks at the expense of others.  Not good.

Fourth, you were totally wrong: the answers you thought were right, weren’t.  Because answers are not right or wrong–they are simply revealing, or diagnostic, or supportive of an organization’s growing enthusiasm or concern.  Sometimes, you get called in for that interview just because of one thing on your resume.  Or, that phone screen caught someone on a good day and they were feeling expansive instead of critical.  But when you got to the interview it became apparent that you didn’t have the right stuff.  You weren’t really qualified.

Fifth:  Bad Manners.  Most folks don’t know what they don’t know about etiquette.  Graceless individuals struggle upstream with the burden of un-awareness.  Do you interrupt?  Grab candy from the dish?  Talk too loud or use coarse language?  Wear too much fragrance?  Grab and squeeze a hand instead of shaking it?  You get the picture; only part of an interview is about the content; form and behavior is the rest.  Your personal habits and manners are basic to all performance matters, and if they don’t measure up, an employer will not want to take the risk that they can’t be corrected or improved.  

Last.  You have one chance at references.  If they are marginal, that won’t be good enough.  Your references have to sell you.  Make sure you prime them by calling in advance and laying groundwork for support of your candidacy.

You are unlikely to ever get the precise reason you were not selected for a job,  that means you have to do a lot of guessing, obsessing, and wondering.  Sometimes you can ask, but the answer may not–and should not–satisfy you if you are looking for ways to improve your chances in the future.  If you really liked the people you met, it’s hard not to feel some rejection.  The best thing to do is to debrief yourself on these points and create a (written) list of what you will do or do better, the next time you have an opportunity to interview for a job you think you want.



The Other Bottom Line

In social enterprise planning, we talk about and plan for a second bottom line.  One bottom line refers to financial success, and the second is the measurable social result, the greater good that comes of planning for improvement in the lives we touch with our economic platform.  The economic platform is there to ensure the social purpose is carried out, not to BE the purpose.  The second bottom line is quantifiable—social good is a real thing, and betterment of health, well-being, and learning are among the many reasons a social enterprise is brought to life.

Which brings up an important point, for me.  Doesn’t every enterprise have a second bottom line?  What about the enterprise that is your job?  Or think of your family as an enterprise, as well, with a revenue stream, along with a happiness stream, and a strategic plan.  In my last blog I wrote about not leaving a job just for money.  Truth be told, I don’t really think you should stay in one just for the money either, at least not indefinitely.

It isn’t just that money doesn’t buy happiness.  It is that time and the opportunity cost of using it all up may be a greater—more expensive—consideration than the money and anything else you are getting from your gig.  So that gig you aren’t happy in isn’t necessarily profitable or productive, if you consider what you are relinquishing to sustain it.

That is not to say it’s a good idea to chuck it all without a good plan, or even several good alternative plans.  The strategy question is often asked in business:  “So what do we do with all of these assets, in order to keep pace with a changing world, do what we love with what we have, thrive into the future, and do the world some good at the same time?”  In a social enterprise (which a family unit, or even a single individual with multiple aims, might be), the last question would be a very specific reference to the social mission of the organization, and might have to be answered before the one about the assets.  Enterprise executives know that change is inevitable and sometimes swift but not always; woe be to the stubborn enterprise that denies it (talking to you, Kodak).

So think of the greater good as your own greater good, and the second bottom line as your fulfillment, your growth, and your well-being.  Of course there is a list in here somewhere and it’s probably a list of steps for planning to upgrade your happiness quotient, but first a word about the timing of life and enterprise planning.  Do it while you have assets and resources, including youth, health, a financial cushion (even a little one), an intact family (if that applies), and the will to consider the largest number of alternatives.  Don’t wait until inertia, depression, or fear have taken over, or worse, you have spent your assets on fleeting things to make you feel better about your situation.

On to planning:

1.  Make a comprehensive list of your assets, attributes, and resources, using spreadsheet software and skills to remind you that this isn’t a list of just any old stuff.  These are the very real things you have and can use to help you transition or change, establish a new platform, and to help you see that you are already an enterprise.  We don’t often think of our good health, for example, as an asset, but if you ever lose it you find out how valuable it is.  Similarly, frequent flier miles look so innocuous—but they can be enormously helpful when you need or want to go to trade show to check out the lay of the land, or meet in person with a prospective employer, or trade them in for a computer.

2.  Gather your inner circle, and seek their participation in developing your mission, vision, and values statements to guide your next chapter(s).   Whatever your plan alternatives or your transformation steps, it is good to seek the inclusion of the team—the team can help.  Please include the naysayers along with the cheerleaders; you may find that the very one who fixes you with a quizzical stare has just saved you vast amounts of pain and suffering, and maybe money.  Engage your circle; ask for help.  Thank your circle, but do what you have to do.

3.  Start writing your intentions, affirmations, plans, mental notes, business ideas, budgets, wild notions, dreams, whatever.  I will say it for the millionth time:  It isn’t real if it isn’t written down.  A narrative that lives in your head with all that misery and confusion is not going to thrive for very long, sorry to say.  Once you see it on the page, with notes, adjectives, and some stark clarity it starts to look like it’s earned a place at the table of your inner circle, a slot on your life’s to-do list, and space in your conversations about investment.  Your narrative is important; it becomes how you see yourself and you have to make sure your personal self-talking points are always positive.  You have to mentor yourself.

4.  Sort.  Organize.  SWOT.  Research.  Seek.  Budget.  Learn.  Negotiate.  I don’t put things like this in order, mainly because I’m not very good at order.  (Now there’s negative self-talk for you.) But really, once you start writing all different kinds of things down, you are starting to set up commitments, and pretty much anything can emerge.  Get a copy of The Artist’s Way, the best book in the world, by Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan.  Even if you aren’t an artist, the one piece of advice that the author gives, early in the book, is to write for 15 minutes every day, before you start the day, and before you eat, drink you coffee, shower, or fully awaken.  What you write doesn’t matter, but you should do it with pen and paper, not a screen and keyboard.

My friend Janet Conner teaches this in Writing Down Your Soul, her book and workshop series.  From personal experience, I can tell you that it works.  There is something about writing this way that brings you answers.  Just try it.

5.  Develop a set of written values, standards, goals or guiding principles; if there is a special person or a set of special people in your life who are all in this together, do it as a group.  There is no right or wrong here; this is what you live by, you are just making it transparent so that you can’t cut the corner just this once.  This is accountability in action.

A very long time ago, I saw a play in our local theater called The Swan (by Elizabeth Egloff)In this story, a large swan comes crashing through a woman’s front window and takes up residence on her couch after turning into a man.  It’s an absurdist play, so the sky is the limit on what is meant by all the symbolism, some of which was really completely lost on me.  But what I took from it was that that swan-man looked a lot like Awareness; once he’s on your couch and living with you every day, you can’t really deny or simplify the fact of him.  The nurse protagonist was seeking a romantic salvation, a whole, comprehensive solution, but that isn’t how it works.  To change Awareness, you have to slowly change yourself, the way you look at problems, and how you consider all the possibilities in your life.

It was a really good play.


Random Career Rules

Over the years, mentors and friends gave me career advice that I didn’t necessarily heed or even value at the time.  Some of the advice I heard over and over again, like it was conventional wisdom that someone has to tell you or you will just stay in the dark on stuff like this.

So here it is, all of it basically things you want to think about when you are about to do something that looks logical, but maybe isn’t so smart.

1.  Never quit a job because of a boss you don’t like, a bad boss, or  because you think you can do better.  You take the job for the work, the experience, the pay, the benefits, location and so on.  And, you might even accept an offer because you want to learn from a particular individual, or you trust that person’s judgment about your suitability for the job.  But don’t follow or quit people; find solutions to difficult relationships.

And, better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t.

But ethics matters, criminal matters, or grave danger are possible exceptions.

2.  A job that stops giving you satisfaction never starts giving you adequate satisfaction again.  Those are the jobs you should leave.   If you don’t, you become toxic to those around you and you alter your career trajectory when that happens.

3.  In matters of work, it is never about you.  The company is always more important than an individual, and you matter far less than you should or think you should.  Companies need not be logical.

4.  Yes, if you are a supervisor your staff is talking about you and trying to figure you out.

5.  Never make a job move solely for the money.

6.  Do not leave your platform behind.  For example, if you are an experienced Financial Analyst, and are offered a promotion to Mergers and Acquisitions Valuation team, make sure you are taking financial analysis responsibilities with you.  I think this one speaks to the linear nature of the best kinds of promotions: Go. Up.  Not over or around.  But you have to think about that one.  Better, maybe, make sure you are doing something you are reasonably likely to succeed at, if you are also expected to do some new things, too.

7.  Complaining helps nothing.  Nothing at all.

8.  When interviewing, the first interview is for the company to ask you questions; any questions you ask should simply be polite and warmly perceptive.  The second interview is for you, and the questions you ask may be evaluated, bot  for relevance and your personal style.

9.  Whoever cares the most about an outcome is disadvantaged in negotiations.  Stick with a process for arriving at closure, not a method for getting what you think you want.

10.  Being an achiever is better than being a survivor.  That was the best advice i think I ever got.

Advice: Take it, Leave it, or Just Think About it and Decide Later.

As someone who is compulsive about giving career advice (hence the blog), I am always aware of the conflicting advice given by other, well-intentioned, and often very ill-informed advisors.  “My mom said I should put my photograph on my resume,” “Professor So-and-so told me a cover letter should just be one paragraph,” or my personal favorite, “My sister is in HR and she said the pink paper and black borders will stand out.”

The funny thing is that for any single, odd, situation, it’s hard to know what the recipient of your inquiry or offering might think of an off-spec approach from you.  My job is to make you think about the impression you want to leave and the brand you represent, as much in your personal narrative as in any other forum.  The fact is that the pink paper and black border with the photo of you finishing a 10k will stand out; the question is whether or not it stands out for the right reason and represents the image of you that makes sense, both to you and to the intended decision-maker.

I have occasionally caught the tail end of someone’s misguided resume mailing campaign.  My heart sinks for you if you picked a theme and ran with it, doing a mail merge and sending the identical and lengthy explanation of your passion and so on.  But the operative word is misguided–if you made up the plan using just your own head and hands, you need to check in with someone–almost anyone–to hear how that idea sounds when you say it out loud.  But if you got guidance, that’s another matter.

Here are the rules for evaluating advisors.  If a person who gives you advice is not on this list, don’t politely decline the advice, just don’t be quick to take it and execute on it.  You can listen to anyone, and all advice is worth hearing.

1.  Does this individual know me or my job market well enough to understand my objective, need, desire, or plan?

2.  Does this individual have my best interest at heart; is the reason for giving me advice one that I can appreciate?  I think headhunting is a wonderful profession and I have relied on those folks for candidates over the years.  But if you are the talent, not the hiring manager, you need to understand that you are not the one paying the bill, and therefore not the client.

3.  Is the advice free, clear, and simple?  When you pay for advice, you have a tendency to think it’s good advice.  It may not be good advice.  How will you know that?

4.  What does this individual want from me or want for me?  It matters a lot.  Even when the advice-giver is a parent or other family member.

5.  Is the advice based on current and reliable information?  Is the context valid?


Own Your Story: Three Ideas to Help You Unleash Your Own Story

My friend Jay Delaney knows a lot about storytelling.  I think of Jay as a mentor in some respects, as another thing he does very well is to take a big concept and make it operational; this is something I work hard at doing.  Jay is really good at it.  He asks great questions, like “How do you  see that actually working?”  Which can be a very important question, as you might imagine.

Choosing to own and tell your story is a big step forward for you.  Many people spend more time trying to fit themselves into the story they think others want to hear than crafting their personal story–the one that explains who they are and how they got here, and why it matters..  But Jay has written this amazing post that illustrates how your story fits into your career, and he is permitting me to share it, for which I am grateful.  And here it is:


So the truth is this: we need you. You may not realize it yet, but we do. Yes, you. Just as you are, with all of your scars, war stories, failures, street smarts, lessons, victories, and heart. Nobody has walked the same paths you have walked. Nobody has experienced the same heartaches, the same successes, the same loneliness, or the same connectedness as you.

And while you have been spending so much of your time trying to blend in, trying to be like everybody else, trying to conform to the norm, trying to follow the paths of others, we’ve been here waiting on you. As patiently as possible. But it is time. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not next month. Not after you’ve read those books. Not after you’ve landed that dream job. Not after you’ve developed expertise in some new field. Not after you’ve achieved all you want to achieve. It’s time now. There where you are. Today. In this moment. It’s time for you to stand up and own your story. We’re counting on you.

What does it take to own your story?

It takes a lot of courage.

It takes a lot of faith.

It takes a lot of love.

But your story is what we are interested in, so why hide it from us? Why keep it from the people you come into contact with each day? Why lose sight of who you are? Why not step into it and embrace who you are and the unique story you have already crafted through your decisions and your actions?

Here are three ideas to help kickstart the process of owning your story:

1. Embrace your role as the hero of your own story. When it comes to your life and your story, you are the hero. Heroes rarely have it easy; just think of all the good stories that involve heroes who overcome the obstacles in their path by learning to unleash the power within themselves. To unleash your full potential and achieve the kind of success you desire, you have to take pride in your own story, know who you are, and know how to communicate your story to others. Your story is not just about the successes you have experienced. Your story is about who you are, where you came from, what you value, what motivates you, what you care about, and what failures you have faced. Remember, it’s both the good and the bad that make for an interesting story. And it is often the most painful and darkest moments that provide the greatest lessons and the greatest source of encouragement to others. Embracing your role as the hero of your own story also means taking full ownership of your story. If there is something you don’t like about where you currently are in your life story, then it’s up to you to take responsibility to figure out what to actions you need to take to create the story you want to create with your life. Your greatest artistic creation will be the life that you lead and the legacy that you leave. (And yes, this applies to you, even if you do not consider yourself to be an artist.)

2. Remember that stories are not always linear. When I was in college, nearly 15 years ago now, I developed a list of potential careers. While on one hand, I felt this pressure to choose one and focus on it, the other part of me wanted to be all of these things. That list included things like: filmmaker, chamber of commerce executive, career development coach, city council member, and ambassador. As I reflect back on the past several years of my life, I can see that I have been working my way through this list. In 2008, I premiered a documentary I produced and directed at the SXSW Film Festival. From 2008-2012, I served as the CEO of a neighborhood chamber of commerce in Chicago. And since 2012, I have been working in career development for a law school. I haven’t yet been a city council member or an ambassador, but I still have a lot of life left to live. These experiences certainly did not happen in a linear way, but they are all manifestations of my desire to connect people with each other, with ideas, and with stories that will help us tap into our own creative potential to lead lives of significance. If your path doesn’t follow what others may consider to be a traditional path, don’t let that get you down; realize it’s a strength that you can use to your advantage. You will likely be able to see connections others will not see, and you will likely have valuable insight and perspective from your own mashup of experiences.

3. Know the lessons from your story, and learn from them. This is sometimes easier said than done because we try to do this work in our heads instead of through the written word. How many of us repeat the same patterns again and again? Many of us at times compare ourselves to others, but we forget that everyone is on her own timeframe and his own journey. You have rich experiences in your past that serve as valuable lessons. Do you take time to mine those experiences? Do you take time to reflect on where you have come from, what you have already overcome, and how you have failed along the way? Your secret weapon is to get all of this out of your head and onto paper. There’s a spiritual power in writing things down on paper. One way to learn from your experiences is to sit down and develop a list of 5-10 stories from your past that stand out to you as meaningful or significant. Failures, successes, and transitions are often good places to start the search for these stories. Once you have developed a written list of stories, then write at the top of a new sheet of paper, “What did I learn from experience X?” Fill up at least one page with freewriting for each story and see what lessons emerge. Then, it’s up to you to do the heavy lifting of altering your actions based on the insights you discover from this process. Commit to making one small change at a time instead of getting overwhelmed by making big, massive changes in one fell swoop.

We’re ready for you to step into your story and own it. What are you waiting for?

Odds and Ends: Ten Things Not on Your Radar

These things have come up lately. . . .

1.  Wash your car and keep the interior neat and clean.  If someone walks you to your car after the event, asks you to drive them to the meeting, or just sees the diet cola cans spilling out when you open the door, you will wish you had.  Fill your gas tank at the halfway mark.

2.  When you reference current events, reporting that you heard it on NPR, Fox News, or The Daily Show kind of gives away your political orientation, or so others will think.  Whether that leap to a conclusion or stereotype is fair, accurate, or neither, or you don’t care, just keep it in mind.

3.  You do not have to participate in Social Media at all.  However, if you do, you should keep any account you have up to date.  Especially LinkedIn.  Sketchy profiles make you look administratively kind of careless and unkempt.  As my friend and valued advisor Rick Fernandez would say, you need to think about what you want, hatch a plan, and then you need to follow it.  That’s all.

4.  Curate your social media postings to conform to your brand.  I am amazed at how many cat lovers populate my FB Friends.  I’m also surprised (and delighted) at how few of my friends post stuff that gets others all riled up in the comments section.  Having said that, I now remember that I actually curated my list of friends.  You can do that too.

5.  Think ahead to when you might someday be contacted by a reporter to answer some questions.  What is your personal policy, and have you thought of a plan for collecting your thoughts?  Of course, you know never to spontaneously answer anything in front of a camera or anyone holding a microphone.  And if you choose to speak at all, on the record, do so by appointment.

6.  Keep an emergency kit in your automobile, in the event that you need deodorant, a change of shoes, a wear-anywhere outfit (for women, a black top and black pants with black shoes and a string of pearls, for men a navy sports jacket and grey slacks), breath mints, money. . . you get the idea.  If you are a train or bus commuter, keep these things in your office.  Especially the change of shoes.

7.  Know your tells.  If you turn pink when irritated or confused, know that you do.  If your throat closes when you are upset, if your eyes narrow when you are skeptical of the news you are hearing, if you sneeze or cough when you are nervous:  acknowledge to yourself that you do these things.   If you get animated after copious amounts of caffeine, if you yawn a lot when bored or restless, if you talk too much, too loud, too shrilly when under pressure, you need to be aware that these things are controllable.  But first you have to know you do them, and want to get them under your control.

8.  Learn to gauge how much information is too much for the occasion.  Sometimes it’s better to not say everything that’s on your mind or even in your notes, because the occasion calls for strategic restraint.

9.  Keep your office or cubicle clean and fairly tidy, but not immaculate or spotless.  But limit the amount of personal junk and memorabilia you display.  It isn’t your home.  Also, think about what you want to display, as it tells your story; edit.

10.  Think about who can hear you,  whenever you are talking on your phone or with another person or group in conversation.  Ask yourself if you would be so open, vocal, or loud if you knew your future employer’s chief executive was in the vicinity.

The point of most of these has to do with advance planning or just thinking ahead.  Having choices is important; knowing that you are flexible can give you both confidence and allow you to take advantage of opportunities when opportunities come your way.